Pointy Breasts From Beyond The Outer Limits!

It’s been a long time since I had a genuine pointy-breast post–something I think we can all agree this blog is the lesser for–and I found a pair where I least expected them. I never watched the original “Outer Limits” series, but with the new digital signals, we get the THIStv channel which shows an assortment of old movies and TV shows–including “The Outer Limits”.

So I set the ol’ MythTV to record them and finally got around to watching an episode called “ZZZZZ”, which is the story of a queen bee who takes human form. This, naturally being a draining transformation, causes her to swoon on the lawn of a bee scientist.

And behold:
And behold again. Rebehold? Er, behold twice?

It was a strange episode. Or, I don’t know, maybe it was completely characteristic of the show. Having only seen one episode, I cannot say. (I did watch the ‘90s series, though, on Showtime, and liked it.)

It was also kind of cool that the actress, Joanna Frank, was someone I had seen before, in the much later series “L.A. Law”. As it turns out, she’s TV mogul Steven Bochco’s sister, and was actually married to Alan Rachins, whose wife (then, ex-wife, I believe) she played on that show!

She did a good job as the weird bug-person, and also had a slightly unusual beauty that suited the role.

Here’s a picture of her about to enjoy some pollen. (I’m not good at screen-caps yet, but these turned out pretty well!)

I shall view more “Outer Limits” in the hopes of finding more specimens of mammaris conniculus. Note that the above are from ’64 or ’65, and so are the latest of that era we’ve yet found!

Palette Cleanser: A Totally Sexist and Inappropriate Objectification of a Woman Who, Through Sheer Genetic Chance

…or perhaps surgery, is rather more well-endowed than most.

Yes, that’s what my doctor looked like, except she had a way better butt. (Also, she was middle-eastern.)

Again, though, it’s her medical advice I’m following. So, maybe Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist isn’t conpletely absurd. Well, someone who looks like her, anyway.

Two Can Play At That Game, Darcysport

Darcy has shamelessly posted a cheesecake shot on her blog, in the guise of, you know, being about tennis.

Ha, ha, we all have a few laughs, Darcy gets a few hits, and no harm done, right?

Except that in doing so, she completely misses the most important tennis story of the season. Possibly, the most important tennis story of our time. Seems that young Simona Halep, as well as being endowed with impressive tennis skills has also been over-endowed in some departments.
OK, seriously, normally I’m against any sort of surgical breast changes. I don’t like implants, generally. I mean, if you’re a pro, they might be a prudent investment. (I’m told they can be worth $5K a week for strippers.) But aesthetically, they seem to lose their appeal the closer you get.

I also don’t like reductions. I could be wrong, but I think the complaints that women have (back pain) could usually be resolved by losing a little weight or exercising the torso a little more. Also it seems like a kind of horrible thing, arbitrarily removing parts of the body. (I feel that way about appendix operations, too, so, you know: Just crazy ol’ Blake again.)

But in this case, neither of those would seem to be plausible: She’s obviously in top notch shape, and those things actually cause drag when she’s running across the court. So, good luck and God bless.

And the ball is in your court now, Ms. Sport.

(h/t Protein Wisdom)

Fan Service

I asked, Trooper York answered. What this blog needs, apparently, is more pointy breasts. For those who don’t know, by sheer whimsy, the Bit Maelstrom ended up #3 on a search for “pointy breasts” in Google. (Below womenanswers.com and above the urban dictionary.) And for most of 2008, visitors came to this site looking for cheesecake. Since I’ve not posted any real breasts since November, we’ve slipped a bit, and are now drooping at #13.

I’ve nothing against breasts, mind you; I’ve developed no aversion to the fairer sex. It’s just a matter of integrity. Or something. I just haven’t been watching the right sorts of ‘50s movies to provide examples. And now that Troop has his own blog, I feel a little like a pretender before his cheesecake-posting grandeur.

Nonetheless, since he made the request, I submit for your approval, one Kim Novak.

More perky than pointy, really.

I love Novak because at 21, she played opposite a 36-year-old William Holden (Picnic), and a 25 she played opposite a 50-year-old Jimmy Stewart (twice, once in Vertigo and once in Bell, Book and Candle), and did it with a gravitas that made it all seem plausible and not creepy.

Scarlett? Natalie? Either Jessica? Lovely and fine though they are, could they carry a Vertigo? Even with broad-shouldered help from a Stewart or Holden? I don’t think so.

Janet Leigh-Palooza.

There’s some fascinating stuff about having a blog, but one big factor is the randomity of it. If you’re casually blogging (as I am) and having a low-traffic blog (as I do), your traffic can reflect sudden dramatic changes that are…unexpected.

Like, I get a bunch of hits on “barbarian sex” and “cowboy sex”, which just makes me feel guilty. Last week, I got a swarm of Alex Lotorto hits. (Thanks, Alex! And thanks to Andy Levy for tweeting that awesome video.)

Yesterday? All of a sudden, everyone’s mad about Janet Leigh! Weird.

Well, give the people what they want, I always say. (I also say, “No one will vote for a flattend-out rabbit skin” but that’s another story.)

The Cat

Troop has a bit up about the late Earth Kitt who I would tend to agree was the least sexy of the “Catwoman” actresses, as long as she wasn’t singing. (All bets are off for women who can sing, at least for me.)

Julie Newmar blows me away every time, though. In this “then and now” photo, the “now” is within the last year. She would be about 75.

Newmar, of course, got her start playing “Stupefyin’ Jones” in the bizarre musical adapation of “Li’l Abner”. Stupefyin’ Jones was so beautiful she turned men to stone. Newmar is entirely plausible in that role.

Dueling Lasses

Troop’s been letting his freak fly now that he can embed pics into his blog and riffed off of something I said at Althouse to post a picture of Dana Delaney as head of the newly minted Department of Discipline.

Now, I like Dana Delaney. I think Dana Delaney is delicious. I watched “China Beach” until I got tired of watching her sulk all the time. It took several seasons. Except for her performance in the otherwise flawless Tombstone, I have nothing bad to say about her.

But if we’re talking Irish lasses, Delaney had a co-star on that show, a young lady who had also appeared on “Hill Street Blues”, and whom I’ve always preferred. So, take this, Trooper York:

Megan Gallagher! She also had a chance to strut her soulful-stuff on the short-lived series Millennium. Someone needs to put these Irish women in things where they’re actually allowed to smile….

The New Bond Girls: Pointy and Rounded

We’re #1! The Maelstrom is now #1 in Google if you search for “pointy breasts”! And they said I’d never amount to anything.

Eva Green (left, and below depending on how you’ve got your browser scaled) played Vesper in Casino Royale, with the retro breast shape that made this blog famous!

Still, Olga Kurylenko (right) is all kinds of cute in Quantum of Solace.

Bond actually manages a sort-of platonic relationship with Olga in Solace.

Lizabeth Scott: Vampire Killer

I haven’t done the pointy breast thing in a while–I doubt very much I’ll ever pass the more serious results in the Google cache. I mean, come on, “WomensAnswers.Org” and “answers.yahoo.com”. I really shouldn’t be at the top of the list. People are apparently concerned about the shape of breasts and it’s bad to offer them snark and titillation rather when they’re in need of real information.

Nooooooooow, having said that, Hector “Rain In The Doorway” linked to an actress who has to be included, even if our only goal is to be taken as third-grade snark.

Film noir actress Lizabeth Scott!

I’ve never seen any of her pictures, sad to say, though some look pretty good, and a few others look interesting, if not exactly good. (She co-starred with Heston in Dark City and with Martin and Lewis in Scared Stiff.)

But come on. She looks like she could kill two vampires at once if she angled herself properly.

That blouse, by the way, is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about when I first broached this subject. Ms. Scott is covered from the next to the wrists and all the way down, yet for all the dress leaves to the imagination, she might as well be naked.

Something about that combination of repression and naughtiness that’s quintessentially ‘50s.

So, all hail Lizabeth Scott, who celebrated her 86th birthday back in September.