I Join The Illuminati

“Wow, it’s so great you guys finally let me in.”

“Your qualifications were…adequate.”
“Yeah. Well. You know what the unwashed masses call a guy who just barely gets in to the Illuminati?”
“What?”
“Nothing, because those poor bastards have no idea who we are! HA!”
“…”
“…”
“OK. so, this is your desk over here.”
“A desk? I get a desk? I figured there’d be, like a banquet table or maybe a grotto…”
“There are, but you have to start somewhere.”
“And that somewhere is a desk?”
“That somewhere is Help Desk.”
[some time later]
“Hello, Illuminati Help Desk. How may I help you control the world today?”
“…”
“You want to devalue a currency?”
“…”
“Oh, the yen! The Chinese yen, even? Very advanced. Are you upgraded to the current ver–”
“…”
“Very good. OK, go to Actions menu, Economic sub-menu, Currency sub-sub-menu, and click Fluctuation. That should bring up the Monetary Shenanigans dialog.”
“…”
“Now, from there, you –”
“…!”
“What do you mean you don’t have that menu?”
“…”
“You’re using the latest version of Illuminati Pro World Conquest Special Edition?”
“…”
“You think so? OK, do me a favor: Click on Windows+O. That should take you right to the Overthrow window.”
“…”
“You what?”
“…”
“You don’t have a Windows key? What kind of keybo-”
“…”
“It’s an Apple key? Lady, you’ve got the wrong number. You need to call the Tri-Lateral Commission Help Desk!”
“…”
“OK, yeah, I can give you the number.”

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