Based On A True Story

The “Based On A True Story” scam is an old one. Ed Wood used to figure it would give his films “gravitas”, I’m sure, having Criswell speak in sonorous tones of how “future events such as these may affect you in the future”. (I prefer Futurama’s tag line: “You can’t prove it won’t happen!”)

Lately, though, these have been taking a particularly scuzzy turn, as with Wolf Creek. The “meat” of Wolf Creek is, essentially, torture porn (and not the good kind). But the “true story” it was based on had one survivor, who isn’t around when the torture is going on, and the bodies of girls were never found. (To the point where the lone survivor was a suspect.)

WTF? So, the producers just made up the middle stuff?

Possibly worse is Open Water, where the entirety of the movie takes place between two dead people. I’m sorry but how is this “based on a true story”? It’s, like, “two people drowned and this is how we imagine they spent their final hours”.

Worse still is the sequel, which I mention below, because it features six people, and dramatizes all sorts of little scenes between them. Once again: No survivors. (Or at least none that can talk.) I’m guessing this one is “based on a true story” like Plan 9 From Outer Space was based on the sworn affidavits of the poor souls who survived it.

Bah, I say!

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